


Why Stay When You Want Me To Go

by insert_dumbass_name_here



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Langst, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 10:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10637886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insert_dumbass_name_here/pseuds/insert_dumbass_name_here
Summary: Lance tries his best, but he feels his best is not enough for him to stick around.WARNING: This may be triggering please read at your own risk.





	

We were returning from a mission that I had majorly failed. First off I heard Shiro wrong and went to the West side instead of the North, then I literally ran into Hunk, giving galra ships time to attach both of us, almost seriously injuring Hunk. Then last but definitely not least I went against Shiro and Alluras plan, doing what I thought was best but majorly messed up. And on top of that all this “hero's of the universe” stuff is seriously stressing me out. As much as it stresses me out, it must be worse for everyone else so I put on the happy face for them. Flirt with allura, make dumb jokes, act completely stupid so they can focus on something else for one second. Even if it is only that long it helps. At least I hope so.

 

  
Maybe I’m good for nothing. Not a class A pilot, no help on the team, not good at calming or distracting anybody. So this is my current situation.

 

  
“Lance.” says Shiro. I inwardly cringe, ready for a lecture but outwardly keep a neutral face.

 

  
I hum, acknowledging him.

 

  
“You need to step it up around here.” Ouch. That’s one punch. “We don’t have to do everything around here okay?” He says, keeping his disappointed dad voice.

 

  
He’s right. I don’t do anything for this team except exist so we can form voltron. And they have Coran and Allura who have so much more than me to fill that role. I’m completely and totally worthless.

 

  
“Understood.” I said in a monotone voice, my face void of all emotions.

 

  
“Good.” Shiro answered.

 

  
I turned my back and walked into the hallway. Where I was going I didn’t know. I just needed my feet to move and take me anywhere but where people are. I decided to go to the training room and see if I could make myself better in any way.

 

  
After an hour of failing I went to the room next door; the weapons room. As I looked around the room for anything I was good at, a knife caught my attention. Nothing too special about it. Just a simple, hand held knife.

 

 

Do it. I bet none of them will even notice. I bet none of them would even care. I bet, they would even be happy if you did it.  
With every single thought flowing through my head I inch closer to it reaching out to touch it.

 

  
I finally grab the handle and place the blade along my wrist.  
Do it. Do it, DO IT! NOW!

 

  
I breath what I think to be one of my last breaths, and slice along my wrist. My first and last cut, deep enough to where the blood is already dripping on the ground. I watch it pool up as my body grows faint and I fall to the ground.

 

  
“Hey Lance, I saw you come in here and was wondering if you wanted to spar.” I hear Keith in the other room. “Lance?” I hear him walk around until he decides to come into the weapons room. “La- Lance!” He yells dropping everything and running to my side.

 

  
“Goodbye.” I whisper, closing my eyes.

 

  
The last thing I hear is Keith yelling my name then everything goes black.

 

  
The next thing I know, I wake up to a hissing noise. Maybe this is what hell sounds like?

 

  
I feel gravity take over my body and strong arms wrap around my waist to keep me from falling. Why does this feel familiar?  
Oh no no no! Keith got me to a healing pod in time!

 

  
“Hey hotshot. How’re you feeling?” Keith asks, holding me up. I look around the room and everyone except Shiro is there, staring at me. They all look like they haven’t slept in three years. I turn to see Keith’s face. If everyone else looks like they haven’t slept in three years, he looks like he hasn’t eaten, showered, or slept in ten.

 

  
“Why?” I ask him.

 

  
“Why what?” He says, looking genuinely confused.

 

  
“I’m completely worthless.” I say, opening up. “Why rescue me? I would’ve been out of your way. All of yours.” I turn to look at all of them.

 

  
They all look dumbfounded by what I just admitted.

 

  
“What? Sometimes the truth can hurt.” I shrug.

 

  
Pidge walks up to me and says “I would slap you for saying that but I’m too relieved you’re fucking alive.” They come and wrap their arms around me.

 

  
Allura looked like she was about to cry, yet already did. “I-” She didn’t even finish her sentence and rushed over to hug me.

 

  
Hunk was already crying. “You’re the furthest from worthless I’ve ever known.” He said, voice cracking, already joining the group hug.

 

  
Coran doesn’t even say anything but the look in his eyes and the tears on his cheeks are enough.

 

  
“So none of you guys think that?” I asked, confused as to why they wouldn’t think that. “But I’m-”

 

  
“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence.” Allura commanded from her spot in the group hug. “You’re an amazing person and I almost died not knowing if you were going to live or not.”

 

  
“Agreed.” Hunk pitched in. “And I have a feeling Coran and Pidge feel the same way because they stayed up several nights upgrading equipment so you could live and heal properly.”

 

  
I looked at them, shocked. “For me?” They nodded giving sad smiles to me.

 

  
Pidge then got a more serious yet playful look in their eyes. “But I think Keith did the most. He got you in there just in time and stayed by your pod every minute. I honestly don’t know if he ate or slept at all.”

 

  
“I brought him food a couple times but I don’t know about sleep.” Hunk helped out.

 

  
“How long was I out?”

 

  
Everyone was suddenly silent.

 

  
“Four weeks.”

 

  
“Four weeks without sleeping! Keith! That’s unhealthy for you!”

 

  
He gave me a look and I shut up.

 

  
They finally let me go from the group hug, sitting various places on the ground. Everyone was sniffling and wiping their red eyes.  
“Aw, come on guys. I’m not that important right?” I joked, but everyone saw right through it.

 

  
“You’re an important, talented person Lance okay? I won’t let you forget that.” Coran said.

 

  
“Okay alright.” I said. It got uncharacteristically quiet again, save a few sniffs here and there. When I had finally built up enough courage I asked the question that was bothering me since I got out of the pod.

 

  
“Shiro-?”

 

  
“He took it the hardest I think.” Allura said. “We haven’t seen him since you were put in the pod other than to eat.”

 

  
I was shocked by this news. “So where is he?”

 

  
“He’s always in his room or in the hangers by his lion.” Keith answered.

 

  
“I think it would be best if you two talked.” Pidge barely whispered.

 

  
“I don’t-, but what if-, I can’t-” I stuttered.

 

  
“You can. I promise.” Hunk encourages, smiling at me.

 

  
“I’ll help you there.” Keith offers. He helps me up and we walk to Shiros room in a peaceful silence.

 

  
When we get to the door, Keith turns to me and looks down at his shoes. “If I could,” Keith asks, “It’s alright if you say no, can I, um, I don’t know, talk to you privately after this?” He was flustered by the end and I wasn’t ashamed to say it looked cute.

 

  
“Okay.” I said, my voice squeaking slightly. I cleared my voice and tried again. “Sure.” Neither of us made eye contact.

 

  
“Okay, cool.” He said, shifting on his feet. “If you need anything call for me.” And he turned and left.

 

  
I sighed gathering the courage to knock on the door. When I finally do I hear Shiro shifting around and saying, “Hunk, is it already lunch? We just had breakfa-” And then he opened the door. “You’re okay.” He breathed out. “You’re alive.”

 

  
“Yeah I’m okay.” I said, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

 

  
He rushed in and hugged me. “Oh my god Lance I’m so sorry I never should’ve said that I understand it was just a bad day and I didn’t mean anything I said and I’m just a bit stressed yet you’re the one who helps that with your jokes and I just made it all worse and I’m so sor-”

 

  
“Shiro calm down! I’m okay now! You said so yourself!”  
Even if he had said that previously, at that moment he pulled away from the hug and glanced down to my wrist, where my cut had scarred up.

 

  
“I did this to you.” Shiro said gesturing to my wrist.

 

  
“You didn’t do any of this. I made the decision. It was coming anyways.” I stated.

 

  
“Yes but I shouldn’t have put my stress on you. I also should’ve known something was going on. We all should’ve.” He shook his head. “A couple of us noticed but all of us brushed it off except Keith. He’s the reason you’re alive you know.”

 

  
“I know.” I whisper.

 

  
“He does like you, you know.”

 

  
“Just because we’re required to.” I pouted.

 

  
Shiro shook his head, muttering something about ‘youths’. “No. Much more than that.”

 

  
“I-I didn’t know.”

 

  
“We could tell.” He chuckled, “Keith doesn’t know either you know.”

 

  
“He doesn’t?” I exclaimed.

 

  
“You know what, this is something for you two to figure out. Is there any way you can forgive me for that?” He asked.

 

  
“I already have.” I said, smiling up at him.

 

  
“God, never do that again.” He said, pulling me into another hug.

 

  
“Promise.” I said, wrapping my arms around him. It felt good to be appreciated by everyone on the team.

 

  
“Oh!” I said, jerking up from the hug. “I would stay and chat more but I promised Keith we would talk after everything.”

 

  
“It’s okay, Have fun.” He said, winking at me then turning to go back into his room.

 

  
How did he know? Oh well, everyone probably does with only seven people on the ship.

 

  
It was almost six. Said the intrusive little voice inside my head. I would have to work on silencing that.

 

  
I walk up to Keith’s door and knock.

 

  
“Come in!” He yells. I walk into his room and look around. It isn’t any different than mine other than the fact that the bed is a bit messier. “Hey Lance.”

 

  
“Hey.” I say, joining him on the bed. “What did you want to talk about?”

 

  
“You know none of us think of you like that, right?” He asks, holding solid eye contact.

 

  
I couldn’t answer that question.

 

  
He sighed. “You’re so much more than you think of yourself. So much.” He assured. “Just saying you might want to get comfortable because I’m about to rant about how amazing you are.” I was flustered to say the least. He took a deep breath in and then started by saying, “You’re an amazing pilot.” I opened my mouth to argue but he cut me off. “No matter what I said or anyone else said you’re a great pilot in your own way.” We sat in silence for a few seconds, mulling over the one thing he had said. “Do you remember the mission on Grodart?” He added in a soft voice.

 

  
I nodded. “You saved my life then. I wouldn’t’ve made it out of there if it wasn’t for you. And the Balmara? You kept me in check.” He switched to a joking tone to say, “It pains me to say this but,”  
He paused looking down at his hands. “You really took charge. You would be a great leader.” My head snapped up at that, looking at him wide eyed.

 

  
He shrugged. “It’s just the truth. Also you’re just a great friend. You look out for not only the people you’re close with, but all of us. You’re the one who originally brought us together. You really bind the team. We’re all so stressed and you crack jokes to ease the tension. Everyone knows and appreciates it, I guess we all just got so used to it we didn’t think of what it might be doing to you.”  
He suddenly got very still and quiet. I silently put my hand on his shoulder to show him I was listening. He took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes. “You’re amazing.”

 

  
The sincerity in his eyes made it hard for me to breathe in that moment. “You-, yo- ah fuck it.” he whispered. “You’re the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on.” If him saying I’m amazing took my breath, this killed me. “You’re selfless, hard working, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, and you’ve got a really nice body and I’m rambling so I’ll shut up now.”

 

  
“Keith, my man, that wasn’t even a real ramble.” I say, blushing up to my ears.

 

  
“I basically confess to you and that’s what you say?”

 

  
“I’m just warning you beforehand, I probably won’t be able to get a sentence out before I start rambling.” I take a deep breath to try and calm my nerves but it somehow makes it worse. “Okay so I’ve admired you since the Garrison.” He stared at me with interest in his eyes. “That’s why I created the rivalry. To hide my feelings and because you’re so good and I struggle with everything. I guess what I’m trying and failing to say is I really like you and I know you already kind of said you like me but if this is weird or whatever I can leave and it won’t be a prob-” Keith rolled his eyes and and pulled me by my jacket so our noses were touching.

 

  
“Now I see what you meant by rambling.” the fucker said while smirking.

 

  
I got a bit of my confidence back and asked him, “Well, are you going to kiss me or not?”

 

  
He looked between my eyes as if seeing if I was serious then silently nodded. We leaned in and our lips met.

**Author's Note:**

> Lol I tried. This is literally just me having a shitty day and deciding to write langst based on it.  
> Like the things shiro said at the beginning is actually something my dad said to me. Anyways hope y'all cried as much as I did.


End file.
